I have “friends” coming out of the woodwork. Or, more accurately, out of the Internet. Yes, I have joined the over 200 million users on Facebook-much to my children’s dismay. When I first joined, primarily to promote my new book, “Generation Text: Raising Well Adjusted Kids In An Age Of Instant Everything,” (yes, that’s another plug) my wife thought it was bordering on inappropriate for a man of my age to be on a “college kids’ site.” Well guess what, a rapidly growing demographic statistic is the fact that 25% of active Facebook members are now 35 and older. Although I am just a hair past that age threshold (LOL), I am nevertheless a part of that most rapidly increasing new Facebook user age category. In the U.S. the 45 and older demographic has increased 165% in the past four months.
Needless to say, just one month after I joined, my wife decided to explore what all the hooplah was about and became a member of this social networking club. She instantly fell in love with it, connecting with people as far back as elementary school. She even had a reunion with four friends from high school last month, as a result of reconnecting via Facebook.
As with all technology, software, and applications, there are two sides to the coin. Social networking is no different in that it has some really great benefits – but also has its potential perils.
The attraction to most users are:
Reconnecting with old friends.
Easily maintaining connections with present friends and family.
Virally publicizing and marketing your business and/or product.
The entertaining value as many people post clever, humorous comments and pictures, play online games, and take topical surveys.
The opportunity to easily participate in charitable and philanthropic causes.
Some of the perils to be aware of are:
Issues of privacy-or more accurately-the lack of. Be aware that all you post is permanently on record for virtually anyone to see.
Potential identity theft. Information can be obtained about you and can be used posing as you quite easily.
Potential addiction. Be careful to monitor and regulate the amount of time you spend social networking – and thinking about it when you are not on the site. A few months ago a man was arrested for stealing someone’s laptop in an airport so that he could check his Facebook page.
Being Careful
It is important to monitor your “behavior” on social networking sights. Rather interesting that I refer to social networking posts as behavior. Think about it. Behavior is observable and your posts are certainly observable. Behavior can be a response set to both internal and external stimuli, and posts certainly elicit both. Behavior is also species specific, and somewhat stereotyped for that species. I don’t see any camels or frogs writing on Facebook.
It is also important to scrutinize your social networking behavior because of the ease of identity theft. Being careful what you post also says something about you-especially if there is a pattern of behavior causing others to form not so nice conclusions about you and your lifestyle. I once posted a thank you for something a friend (a real-life-in-person type friend) brought me back from the Ritz in Puerto Rico. I actually got flack and sarcastic comments about hob knobbing with “people who go to the Ritz.”
Finally, it is important to monitor the amount of time you spend, think, and talk about your social networking activities. Addiction comes in many forms, and can easily grab you by surprise. Hint: If your spouse grew a beard or changed her hair color and you never noticed-it’s time to look up from the computer!
Monday, June 15, 2009
I have 742 “Friends”
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Don't Throw It Away!
With the recession in full force – and becoming a force in many families – we have to rethink how we spend money. Part of the problem is that we have been in a “disposable mentality consumer” mode for many years. In fact, it is the only mode our children know.
A Disposable Consumer Mentality
What do I mean by a “disposable consumer mentality?” As consumers, we have been trained to expect to get the newer, better, faster model of whatever; to upgrade; to get more data memory; to have the sleeker model; to have the latest and greatest; the revised; the hottest and “in” model; and more features than ever before. And in the process, we just throw away a perfectly functioning model that we are taught to believe is now obsolete or inadequate. Just take cell phones as one example. How many perfectly functioning cell phones have you, or worse yet, your children, thrown away because you purchased a new one with a cooler design and features? Be honest. You call. You text. You answer calls. You take an occasional picture. You check the time, which, by the way, is the first most frequent reason for cell phone use. Most older phones do all of this as efficiently as new phones. So why do we constantly have the need to upgrade our stuff?
What Caused It?
The average U.S. citizen produced 4.6 pounds of waste per day in 2008 as compared to 2.7 pounds in 1960. It is kind of complicated to examine how we have become so brainwashed into believing we should throw away good stuff to make way for new stuff. It has been a gradual process and hardly noticeable until you step back and examine it. But, to explain it we have to delve into the cultural influences. The cultural influences encompass corporate marketing strategies, technological advances, the competitive society in which we live, and the age of specialization.
Several decades ago, product development strategies targeted the American desire for speed and convenience. Consequently, disposable everything from diapers, to razor blades, to cameras, to thermometers emerged on our retail shelves. This was the beginning of our throw away mentality. The concept of auto leasing instead of purchasing vehicles further contributed to the notion of replacing something that works just fine for something new.
Technology catapulted our disposable mentality due to the rapid improvements and advancements. We throw away that perfectly functioning computer or cell phone to get the sleeker, smaller, more powerful model with a few more features. Electronic gadgets become a social status symbol among both kids and adults. So, we toss our one year old LX 360 and replace it with the Voyager, iPhone, or Storm.
We have evolved into an extremely competitive and complex society. The culture begs us to keep up with one another in terms of possessions. We want the latest and greatest with the most features, whether or not we actually use them. The age of specialization also entices us to replace generic “stuff” with highly specialized merchandise more myopic in function.
What should we do about it?
The recession, in all likelihood, is here to stay for awhile. It would be prudent for us to revamp our consumer thinking and habits and avoid the pitfalls of the psychological consumer disposable mentality. Here are five suggestions to help you redefine your spending if you are considering replacing old items with new ones.
1. Be sure that you are replacing old items for new ones for the right reasons. Reevaluate your needs and wants when it comes to replacement purchases.
2. Carefully scrutinize replacement items in terms of its functionality.
3. Resist pressure to keep up with your friends. Make replacement purchases based on your actual needs, not to maintain social status.
4. Consider a cost benefit analysis, considering time and money issues, in your decision-making process when considering replacement purchases. Will that new item really save you substantial money and/or time?
5. Be happy and satisfied with what you have, especially if it still serves a functional purpose.
A Disposable Consumer Mentality
What do I mean by a “disposable consumer mentality?” As consumers, we have been trained to expect to get the newer, better, faster model of whatever; to upgrade; to get more data memory; to have the sleeker model; to have the latest and greatest; the revised; the hottest and “in” model; and more features than ever before. And in the process, we just throw away a perfectly functioning model that we are taught to believe is now obsolete or inadequate. Just take cell phones as one example. How many perfectly functioning cell phones have you, or worse yet, your children, thrown away because you purchased a new one with a cooler design and features? Be honest. You call. You text. You answer calls. You take an occasional picture. You check the time, which, by the way, is the first most frequent reason for cell phone use. Most older phones do all of this as efficiently as new phones. So why do we constantly have the need to upgrade our stuff?
What Caused It?
The average U.S. citizen produced 4.6 pounds of waste per day in 2008 as compared to 2.7 pounds in 1960. It is kind of complicated to examine how we have become so brainwashed into believing we should throw away good stuff to make way for new stuff. It has been a gradual process and hardly noticeable until you step back and examine it. But, to explain it we have to delve into the cultural influences. The cultural influences encompass corporate marketing strategies, technological advances, the competitive society in which we live, and the age of specialization.
Several decades ago, product development strategies targeted the American desire for speed and convenience. Consequently, disposable everything from diapers, to razor blades, to cameras, to thermometers emerged on our retail shelves. This was the beginning of our throw away mentality. The concept of auto leasing instead of purchasing vehicles further contributed to the notion of replacing something that works just fine for something new.
Technology catapulted our disposable mentality due to the rapid improvements and advancements. We throw away that perfectly functioning computer or cell phone to get the sleeker, smaller, more powerful model with a few more features. Electronic gadgets become a social status symbol among both kids and adults. So, we toss our one year old LX 360 and replace it with the Voyager, iPhone, or Storm.
We have evolved into an extremely competitive and complex society. The culture begs us to keep up with one another in terms of possessions. We want the latest and greatest with the most features, whether or not we actually use them. The age of specialization also entices us to replace generic “stuff” with highly specialized merchandise more myopic in function.
What should we do about it?
The recession, in all likelihood, is here to stay for awhile. It would be prudent for us to revamp our consumer thinking and habits and avoid the pitfalls of the psychological consumer disposable mentality. Here are five suggestions to help you redefine your spending if you are considering replacing old items with new ones.
1. Be sure that you are replacing old items for new ones for the right reasons. Reevaluate your needs and wants when it comes to replacement purchases.
2. Carefully scrutinize replacement items in terms of its functionality.
3. Resist pressure to keep up with your friends. Make replacement purchases based on your actual needs, not to maintain social status.
4. Consider a cost benefit analysis, considering time and money issues, in your decision-making process when considering replacement purchases. Will that new item really save you substantial money and/or time?
5. Be happy and satisfied with what you have, especially if it still serves a functional purpose.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Sexting Tragedy
Cynthia Logan is much like any other mother - loving and supportive. Her daughter, Jesse, was very much like most other 18 year olds-ready to grab the world by its tail. Unfortunately, Jesse got caught up in a Generation Text moment and pushed the send button on her cell phone transmitting a nude photo of herself to her boyfriend. It was the beginning of the end for this beautiful and promising teen. The couple eventually broke up and her photo was sent to hundreds of other teenagers in several schools. For a full year following the betrayal of what she considered to be intimate privacy between her and her boyfriend, Jesse was teased, ridiculed, and bullied to the point where she decided to take her own life by hanging. Her courageous mother appeared on the Today Show ( http://tinyurl.com/btg9r6) to talk about her daughter and the dangers of the new fad called "sexting."
A recent study indicated that 20% of teenagers have sent nude or partially nude photographs of themselves using their cell phone. My prediction is that if sexting is like other online or mobile phone activities, it will catch on like wildfire which will increase that percentage rapidly. What becomes common becomes familiar. What becomes familiar becomes normal.
Today's teens are growing up in a world where texting, blogging, and posting messages on social networking sites is just the norm. They have become so desensitized to techno-communicating that there is no consideration for the implications of what they send. Nor do they think about the permanence of their transmissions. Nude pictures, sexual messages, and harassing statements do not vaporize and disappear. They are permanently fixed in the cyberworld and easily retrieved from the hardware that receives them.
Parents and kids need to realize that the cell phone is a privilege-not a right. Just like when you hand over the keys to your car to your teenager, it can be a convenience that facilitates and enhances their social life, or it can be a weapon that kills them if they are not given appropriate limits and monitoring. Cell phones should be treated just like cars. Warnings about their use and specific do's and don'ts should be part of the agreement when it is given to them. Just as parents will think nothing of reminding their teen to drive safely when they leave the house, parents also need to periodically remind their kids about being careful with their phone and Internet use.
If you have a "not my kid" attitude I suggest you take a look at the Today Show link. Jesse could be anybody's kid.
A recent study indicated that 20% of teenagers have sent nude or partially nude photographs of themselves using their cell phone. My prediction is that if sexting is like other online or mobile phone activities, it will catch on like wildfire which will increase that percentage rapidly. What becomes common becomes familiar. What becomes familiar becomes normal.
Today's teens are growing up in a world where texting, blogging, and posting messages on social networking sites is just the norm. They have become so desensitized to techno-communicating that there is no consideration for the implications of what they send. Nor do they think about the permanence of their transmissions. Nude pictures, sexual messages, and harassing statements do not vaporize and disappear. They are permanently fixed in the cyberworld and easily retrieved from the hardware that receives them.
Parents and kids need to realize that the cell phone is a privilege-not a right. Just like when you hand over the keys to your car to your teenager, it can be a convenience that facilitates and enhances their social life, or it can be a weapon that kills them if they are not given appropriate limits and monitoring. Cell phones should be treated just like cars. Warnings about their use and specific do's and don'ts should be part of the agreement when it is given to them. Just as parents will think nothing of reminding their teen to drive safely when they leave the house, parents also need to periodically remind their kids about being careful with their phone and Internet use.
If you have a "not my kid" attitude I suggest you take a look at the Today Show link. Jesse could be anybody's kid.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Underage Drinking Declining?
A study published this month by the Underage Drinking Enforecment Center in Maryland (http://www.udetc.org/documents/ResourceAlerts/ResourceAlert0209.pdf) indicates that alcohol consumption has decreased significantly among 8th graders and high school students compared to the mid 1990's. They cite the fact that alcohol is more difficult to obtain as a major reason for the decrease.
I realize that anecdotal case evidence is not as valid as empirical research, but as a clinical psychologist who works with children, adolescents, and families from a variety of backgrounds, socio-economic status, and mental health functioning, I am astounded at the reported decrease in alcohol use by this study. I am not questioning the investigators, nor their data-I just don't see the decrease in teen alcohol use. I also don't hear from the kids I work with, that it is that difficult to get alcohol. They seem to have clever and resourceful ways to get what they want.
I realize that anecdotal case evidence is not as valid as empirical research, but as a clinical psychologist who works with children, adolescents, and families from a variety of backgrounds, socio-economic status, and mental health functioning, I am astounded at the reported decrease in alcohol use by this study. I am not questioning the investigators, nor their data-I just don't see the decrease in teen alcohol use. I also don't hear from the kids I work with, that it is that difficult to get alcohol. They seem to have clever and resourceful ways to get what they want.
Sunday, February 8, 2009
High Tech Depression
Believe it or not, a recent study at Stony Brook University, NY indicates that adolescent girls are prone to depression and anxiety when they spend excessive time on social networking sites such as Facebook and MySpace. What could possibly be the apparent relationship between spending time “talking” on line and depression in these 13 year old girls?
Years ago, girls talked on the phone (land line) and in person about their problems and social conflicts. Their contact was somewhat limited in terms of frequency and privacy. Today, teens can call or text their friends while walking down the street, riding in a car, or from virtually anywhere at any time. They can IM, email, or communicate through social networking sites, and do so with a sense of anonymity and uninhibited comments. The difference is, once again, the frequency and ease of access they have to one another. Certainly, much of the social contact is pleasurable, fun, and fulfilling. However, teenagers are also bombarded with social issues that accompany unpleasant feelings as well. Dr. Joanne Davila, who conducted the study at Stony Brook, seems to agree that the real issue is the amount of exposure teens have to one another, and the excessive rumination and emotionality of their conversations.
I believe social networking sites have an important place in facilitating friendships among teens. As with all of the wonderful technology at our disposal, balance and moderation, along with parental monitoring and guidance will help temper the negative effects, such as depression and anxiety, and enable the positive power of its use.
Years ago, girls talked on the phone (land line) and in person about their problems and social conflicts. Their contact was somewhat limited in terms of frequency and privacy. Today, teens can call or text their friends while walking down the street, riding in a car, or from virtually anywhere at any time. They can IM, email, or communicate through social networking sites, and do so with a sense of anonymity and uninhibited comments. The difference is, once again, the frequency and ease of access they have to one another. Certainly, much of the social contact is pleasurable, fun, and fulfilling. However, teenagers are also bombarded with social issues that accompany unpleasant feelings as well. Dr. Joanne Davila, who conducted the study at Stony Brook, seems to agree that the real issue is the amount of exposure teens have to one another, and the excessive rumination and emotionality of their conversations.
I believe social networking sites have an important place in facilitating friendships among teens. As with all of the wonderful technology at our disposal, balance and moderation, along with parental monitoring and guidance will help temper the negative effects, such as depression and anxiety, and enable the positive power of its use.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
The Last Straw
If you have read my book or know me personally, you know that I am concerned about the pervasive impact technology can have on social and family relationships. You also know that I am technologically savvy, support the power of technology, use it to enhance my life, and believe if used properly, it can transform “Generation Text” into “Generation Best.” But, many of you are probably like me and enjoy a break from the screens that have become so embedded in our lives.
On that note, I have spent the past week more than two miles above sea level, in a winter wonderland called Vail. My kids put ski’s on before they were able to tie their own shoes. Now, they are adults and yearly ski trips to Colorado have been my secret plan to add to our quality family time together, even though they no longer live with my wife and I. And it has worked. When I announce a trip planned-all three drop what they are doing and carve time out of their schedule.
But, as the saying goes, “the only constant is change.” And I noticed a big change in this trip. Our yearly escape to the small town rustic feeling of the Rockies used to include a daily routine of waking up early, skiing all day, having dinner together, and conking out early due to exhaustion. This year, technology invaded our “escape” despite all our efforts to leave it home. My oldest son who runs Ignighter, an Internet based company, announced that he could not avoid scheduling several important Skype video conferences, but he managed to schedule them during our down time between skiing and dinner. Thanks to an eco-friendly strategically placed cell tower on the mountain, instead of walkie talkies, we each had our cell phones in the event we became separated while skiing. Thankfully, no cell calls were made, except to each other, but boyfriends and girlfriends were texted at less family conspicuous times, and email was checked whenever we stopped for a break or lunch. They tried to limit cell and computer use as much as possible, but apparently it is impossible to eliminate it if you need to keep in touch with work or friends. And it wasn’t only my kids. Last year it was rare to see a cell phone on the slopes. This year, I saw at least one being used at the base of every lift.
That was it. The last straw. The last bastion of our pure family vacation is now tainted by the invasion of mobile phone and Internet technology. Now, don’t get me wrong. It was still great family time and my kids’ clear attempt at minimizing the use of technology was gratifying because it meant they also cherished the memory we made. It’s just that I have to continually get used to the idea that we rely on it more and more.
And by the way, here I am writing this blog on our last night, in a condo in Vail, trying to get a head start on my work week.
Guilty as charged.
On that note, I have spent the past week more than two miles above sea level, in a winter wonderland called Vail. My kids put ski’s on before they were able to tie their own shoes. Now, they are adults and yearly ski trips to Colorado have been my secret plan to add to our quality family time together, even though they no longer live with my wife and I. And it has worked. When I announce a trip planned-all three drop what they are doing and carve time out of their schedule.
But, as the saying goes, “the only constant is change.” And I noticed a big change in this trip. Our yearly escape to the small town rustic feeling of the Rockies used to include a daily routine of waking up early, skiing all day, having dinner together, and conking out early due to exhaustion. This year, technology invaded our “escape” despite all our efforts to leave it home. My oldest son who runs Ignighter, an Internet based company, announced that he could not avoid scheduling several important Skype video conferences, but he managed to schedule them during our down time between skiing and dinner. Thanks to an eco-friendly strategically placed cell tower on the mountain, instead of walkie talkies, we each had our cell phones in the event we became separated while skiing. Thankfully, no cell calls were made, except to each other, but boyfriends and girlfriends were texted at less family conspicuous times, and email was checked whenever we stopped for a break or lunch. They tried to limit cell and computer use as much as possible, but apparently it is impossible to eliminate it if you need to keep in touch with work or friends. And it wasn’t only my kids. Last year it was rare to see a cell phone on the slopes. This year, I saw at least one being used at the base of every lift.
That was it. The last straw. The last bastion of our pure family vacation is now tainted by the invasion of mobile phone and Internet technology. Now, don’t get me wrong. It was still great family time and my kids’ clear attempt at minimizing the use of technology was gratifying because it meant they also cherished the memory we made. It’s just that I have to continually get used to the idea that we rely on it more and more.
And by the way, here I am writing this blog on our last night, in a condo in Vail, trying to get a head start on my work week.
Guilty as charged.
Monday, November 24, 2008
When The Economy Says "No" Parents Must Also Say "No"
Economic Crisis Affects Kids
Everyone is feeling the financial pinch. Worries about the economy, the country, and the quality of family life are increasingly creeping into therapy sessions with both my kid and adult patients. Consequently, many families are cutting back and altering the way they are spending their money. This often translates into kids not getting as much as they are used to in terms of costly possessions and privileges. So how is Generation Text, who are used to getting what they want, going to be able to cope with not being able to upgrade their cell phone, get the latest and greatest Xbox game, Kate Spade pocketbook, or iTunes downloads? What will happen when their request to go the movies or shopping at the mall with their friends is denied because their parents don’t have disposable income for such privileges? As discussed in my book, “Generation Text: Raising Well Adjusted Kids In An Age Of Instant Everything,” (http://www.amazon.com/) using technology, today’s youth has global and peer access that provides them with an acute awareness of what is in-and they feel like they need it. As a generation with a sense of entitlement and strong need gratification they have been provided with an excess of possessions and privileges. Experiencing an abrupt halt to getting what they want may result in angry and disappointed feelings, along with possible temper tantrums and disrespectful behavior. There are several strategies parents can employ to help their kids cope with this impending change in their ability to continually get what they ask for.1. Be proactive. Talk to your kids honestly and realistically about what is happening financially. Be careful not to frighten them or jeopardize their sense of security and stability, and don’t give them too many financial details. Let them know that the family certainly has enough money to live comfortably, not really change anything about the way you are living and where you are living, but that we have to limit our spending for a while just until the economy gets better.2. Help them earn it. If your child is old enough, assist them in finding a part time job so they can earn their own money to pay for the things and social activities you are no longer providing them. 3. Give allowance and help them with a budget. Provide your child with an established sum of money each week will help them make decisions about how they spend their money with real life limitations. Assist them in creating a budget that helps them be planful and patient in seeking what they want.4. Be firm. Don’t allow guilt or fatigue to compromise your strength to maintain your “no” when your child tantrums, challenges, or relentlessly tries to negotiate with you.5. Disengage. Your child deserves the respect of one explanation as to why you are saying, “no” to him or her. After that, generally, less is better. Calmly walk away and refuse to engage in spite of the probable protests.6. Practice what you preach. It is important to model and point out how you have cut back on things you are used to getting. Teaching by example is a very powerful strategy that will have a major impact on your kids.Remember, it takes some time for kids to accept “no” and they may initially push harder than ever. Remaining steadfast will eventually help your kids understand and deal with the effects of the present economic picture on the American family. Helping them with not getting what they want and learning ways to earn it on their own will not only help them adjust to the economic climate, it will improve their work ethic, self esteem, and sense of pride.
Everyone is feeling the financial pinch. Worries about the economy, the country, and the quality of family life are increasingly creeping into therapy sessions with both my kid and adult patients. Consequently, many families are cutting back and altering the way they are spending their money. This often translates into kids not getting as much as they are used to in terms of costly possessions and privileges. So how is Generation Text, who are used to getting what they want, going to be able to cope with not being able to upgrade their cell phone, get the latest and greatest Xbox game, Kate Spade pocketbook, or iTunes downloads? What will happen when their request to go the movies or shopping at the mall with their friends is denied because their parents don’t have disposable income for such privileges? As discussed in my book, “Generation Text: Raising Well Adjusted Kids In An Age Of Instant Everything,” (http://www.amazon.com/) using technology, today’s youth has global and peer access that provides them with an acute awareness of what is in-and they feel like they need it. As a generation with a sense of entitlement and strong need gratification they have been provided with an excess of possessions and privileges. Experiencing an abrupt halt to getting what they want may result in angry and disappointed feelings, along with possible temper tantrums and disrespectful behavior. There are several strategies parents can employ to help their kids cope with this impending change in their ability to continually get what they ask for.1. Be proactive. Talk to your kids honestly and realistically about what is happening financially. Be careful not to frighten them or jeopardize their sense of security and stability, and don’t give them too many financial details. Let them know that the family certainly has enough money to live comfortably, not really change anything about the way you are living and where you are living, but that we have to limit our spending for a while just until the economy gets better.2. Help them earn it. If your child is old enough, assist them in finding a part time job so they can earn their own money to pay for the things and social activities you are no longer providing them. 3. Give allowance and help them with a budget. Provide your child with an established sum of money each week will help them make decisions about how they spend their money with real life limitations. Assist them in creating a budget that helps them be planful and patient in seeking what they want.4. Be firm. Don’t allow guilt or fatigue to compromise your strength to maintain your “no” when your child tantrums, challenges, or relentlessly tries to negotiate with you.5. Disengage. Your child deserves the respect of one explanation as to why you are saying, “no” to him or her. After that, generally, less is better. Calmly walk away and refuse to engage in spite of the probable protests.6. Practice what you preach. It is important to model and point out how you have cut back on things you are used to getting. Teaching by example is a very powerful strategy that will have a major impact on your kids.Remember, it takes some time for kids to accept “no” and they may initially push harder than ever. Remaining steadfast will eventually help your kids understand and deal with the effects of the present economic picture on the American family. Helping them with not getting what they want and learning ways to earn it on their own will not only help them adjust to the economic climate, it will improve their work ethic, self esteem, and sense of pride.
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