When The Economy Says "No" Parents Must Also Say "No"

Economic Crisis Affects Kids
Everyone is feeling the financial pinch. Worries about the economy, the country, and the quality of family life are increasingly creeping into therapy sessions with both my kid and adult patients. Consequently, many families are cutting back and altering the way they are spending their money. This often translates into kids not getting as much as they are used to in terms of costly possessions and privileges. So how is Generation Text, who are used to getting what they want, going to be able to cope with not being able to upgrade their cell phone, get the latest and greatest Xbox game, Kate Spade pocketbook, or iTunes downloads? What will happen when their request to go the movies or shopping at the mall with their friends is denied because their parents don’t have disposable income for such privileges? As discussed in my book, “Generation Text: Raising Well Adjusted Kids In An Age Of Instant Everything,” (http://www.amazon.com/) using technology, today’s youth has global and peer access that provides them with an acute awareness of what is in-and they feel like they need it. As a generation with a sense of entitlement and strong need gratification they have been provided with an excess of possessions and privileges. Experiencing an abrupt halt to getting what they want may result in angry and disappointed feelings, along with possible temper tantrums and disrespectful behavior. There are several strategies parents can employ to help their kids cope with this impending change in their ability to continually get what they ask for.1. Be proactive. Talk to your kids honestly and realistically about what is happening financially. Be careful not to frighten them or jeopardize their sense of security and stability, and don’t give them too many financial details. Let them know that the family certainly has enough money to live comfortably, not really change anything about the way you are living and where you are living, but that we have to limit our spending for a while just until the economy gets better.2. Help them earn it. If your child is old enough, assist them in finding a part time job so they can earn their own money to pay for the things and social activities you are no longer providing them. 3. Give allowance and help them with a budget. Provide your child with an established sum of money each week will help them make decisions about how they spend their money with real life limitations. Assist them in creating a budget that helps them be planful and patient in seeking what they want.4. Be firm. Don’t allow guilt or fatigue to compromise your strength to maintain your “no” when your child tantrums, challenges, or relentlessly tries to negotiate with you.5. Disengage. Your child deserves the respect of one explanation as to why you are saying, “no” to him or her. After that, generally, less is better. Calmly walk away and refuse to engage in spite of the probable protests.6. Practice what you preach. It is important to model and point out how you have cut back on things you are used to getting. Teaching by example is a very powerful strategy that will have a major impact on your kids.Remember, it takes some time for kids to accept “no” and they may initially push harder than ever. Remaining steadfast will eventually help your kids understand and deal with the effects of the present economic picture on the American family. Helping them with not getting what they want and learning ways to earn it on their own will not only help them adjust to the economic climate, it will improve their work ethic, self esteem, and sense of pride.

Dr. Osit frequently presents to parent groups, professionals, and organizations. Visit his website, www.wpaapc.com/upcoming events for a schedule of speaking engagements on "Generation Text: Raising Well Adjusted Kids In An Age of Instant Everything."